The Volturi Meets the Real Bella and Alice
by AnonymousTumblrGirl
Summary: When Edward is caputed by the Volturi, Bella and Alice do everything in their annyoying power to free him. Co-written by Sk8erGurl24. Reviews are nice....like Icecream...So Review!
1. Let's Make a Deeeeeal

By .1901 and Sk8erGurl24

I do NOT own these charactors, though I wish I did.

Please R&R

NOTE: Bella is a vamp, her and Edward are married, and there is NO Nessie

BPOV

They had captured him. The Volturi had Edward. I'm not sure _why_, but they did.

I was seated alone on the floor of my room, trying to figure out what to do. I heard my ringtone, _Thnks fr th Mmrs_, go off. I grabbed my phone and looked at the caller ID. Unlisted number. Figures.

"Hello?"

"Is this Isabella Cullen?" A deep, creepy voice (Like the kind stalkers have in the movies) said.

"Bella. And yeah?"

"This is Aro, of the Volturi."

"Hmmm. You guys got phones now?" I was annoyed enough, without getting phone calls from Italian idiots.

He ignored the question. "Bella, we have Edward."

"So _that's_ where he went. I thought he hopped a plane to Zimbabwae." Like I said, annoyed.

"Yes, well, I have a little...deal for you." When he said 'deal' he streched the 'e' out for three syllables.

"This can't go well," I muttered. "What is your deal?" I stretched 'deal' out, mocking him.

"We will let Edward go, if you join us."

"Hmmm. Him for me...Hmmm....I wonder how long you've been thinkin' 'bout this..."

"Do we have a deal?" Again with the stretching!

By this point I was digging for my passport, coming up with wonderful schemes to get out of this, and Edward, too.

"I suppose we have a...deeeeal." I internally laughed.

"Good. I suppose we will be seeing you soon."

"Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Whatever." I flipped my phone shut and dashed down the stairs. Everyone was out hunting, except Alice. Her and I had gone yesterday.

"Hey, Alice. How do you feel about an early vacation?"

"Oooh!" She jumped off the couch, her eyes bright. "Wherewherewherewherewhere?" She was bouncing up and down by this point.

"Italy." I told her.

"Ohh! I've got the perfect dress for that! I'll be right back. Gotta pack. Weeee!" She began to head for the stairs, but I linked my arm through hers, spinning her around.

"This isn't the enjoyable vacation, Alice. Strictly business."

A strange look crossed her face. "Huh?"

"The Volturi's got Edward. We gotta go save him. Beat up the bad guys, yada yada yada. The usual." I sighed.

Her bottom lip quivered. "Well _ that_ sucks."

"No kidding. C'mon."

We raced out the door and was at the airport in less than five minutes.

"Um, Bella?" Alice asked as we walked into the 'port.

"What?"

"What's our plan?"

Oh. That hadn't crossed my mind.

"Well, they said him for me, meaning they let him go if I join."

Her eyes got wide. "You...and...them...I....but...them...Huh?"

"Don't worry, as soon as Edward's in the clear, I'll ditch."

"Me, too."

"You, too what?"

"Me, too, as in I'll join with you. I don't like the idea of you being all alone. It scares me."

"Oh-kay. You, too."

Alice's face went blank and she stared off into the unknown. Vision time. A few moments later, she blinked and a smile spread across her face.

"Whaddya see?" I asked.

APOV

My eyes grew wide as to see more, nothing came.

"Bella, I got a plan. We better do it quick, cause Jane doesn't like waiting!"  
"What's the plan?" Bella eyes grew wider too, wating for an answer.

"The Volturi couldn't stand us if we're like normal teenage girls. Hours putting on make-up, loud music blaring, cute boys, nice shoes, 'gotta haves'. Ya know." My eyes grew bigger with the idea of shopping spree in Italy.

"Good point, but I HATE all those, except the music. Plus they have red eyes and we-" Bella began but I cut in.

"-have a golden-topaz. Yeah I know." I couldn't think of anything to do this time.

As if she had read MY mind, she said, "We have to cheat, once. But with just us what are we going to if we go insane?"

" I don't wanna cheat, Bella. Jasper has a hard time as it is. If he would EVER find out about us cheating, it would kill him." I cared to much for Jasper's sake.

"Alice, Aro isn't going to buy anything else. Besides if we're going to kick their butts, we could use it for more strength." Bella was weighing the possibilities, I didn't like it.

"You could always go back." Bella said, then a low, kinda pathetic growl came from my throat.

"Now, shall we go back to the bloodbank? We have thirty minutes still." I could NOT believe it. NONONONONONONO.

We ran to the bank (Bloodbank). I grabbed the smallest container and drained half. "Uhhhhh..." If vampires could vomit, let's just say it wouldn't be pretty. I understood why Jasper had such a hard time. Once you had been drinking a certain type, the other tasted like CRAP.

"Ohhhh...." Bella chocked her half down.

In the next ten minutes, we were in the airports long line. Then, on the plane.

The plane was boring. BOOORRRING! After five to six hours of telling Bella about all the latest fashion trends we were there.

"Let the fun began." We both said in unison.


	2. Starting Plan AHOV!

Chapter 2. Enjoy!!

Note: WE still don't own anything. Though we wish we did... If you read on down, I (Sk8erGurl24) DID take the 'I have a theory, it could be Aro...!' line from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Bella will be using many pop-culture refrences in this.

BPOV

"Let the fun begin," We said together.

I looked around and couldn't help but notice the large castle looming in front of us.

"'Least they have a nice crib...pt. Crypt. Get it? Haha...huh..." The smile fell from my face.

Alice rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the large palace. Demetri and Felix were waiting for us.

"Ah. Alice. Bella. How nice of you to join us," Demetri said, with a fake smile plastered on his pale face.

"Whatever," we both said in unison.

"So...Demetri, where's Edward?" Alice asked in her nice, girlie voice.

"We will tell you...after you join us!" If this were a movie, thunder and lighting would have flashed when he said that and he would have done the odd 'Mwahahaha' thing. But it wasn't, and he didn't. Dang...

"Okay. Yeah. Sure. Whatever. We're in." I'm not known to have much patience.

Demetri grinned a freaky, stalker grin. "Come in." _My pretties_, I added silently.

The two guards led us into the fore`.

I looked around, sliding off my brown leather coat. "Where's the coat rack?"

"Ahh, such briliance!" I heard a voice say. I have a theory, it could be Aro...! "You're mind and spirit will be such a wonderus asset to our brood." Brood? Huh, I didn't know anybody still used that word (other than the ones meaning 'thoughtful and depressing') anymore...

"Yes, and they've been known to ace a few tests, too!" I batted my eyelashes innocently.

"Oh, and funny, too. You will be a great use!"

"Just what I've always dreamed of being! A use! How did you know?"Alice glanced at me and held back a laugh.

"Aro," Alice said in a sickly sweet voice. "Would you please tell us where Eddy is now?"

"Of course," He smiled, the same evil one Demetri had. Hmmm. Maybe the evil smile came with the whole 'Volturi' thing. Like, _Join today and get a free evil grin!! _kind of deal. "Right this way."

He led us down a cooridoor. I swear, the guy didn't walk. He glided. Floated, even. He pulled keys out of his robe (Which I REALLY hoped we didn't have to wear. Burlap does NOTHING for my complection) and unlocked a heavy, metal door, leading to a smaller metal door, leading into a chamber leading to a set of stairs, which led down into another chamber with another metal door (I could easily get lost here. Maybe they had maps in the gift shop!) and inside was Edward. Finally!

"Bella! I want you to leave! It's a trap! He'll capture you! RUN!!!" Edward said in a rush when he saw the two of us.

"You mean like he did you? Last time I checked, we weren't chained to a wall and the Volturi, here, don't lock members up in confusing, dark chambers," I said.

"No he--wait. Members?" Edward's face twisted up into an odd expresion. Like he smelled something bad. Or just ate a bucket of jalepenos. Or both...

"Uh-huh!" Alice chimed, and gaged Edward's reaction. It wasn't a happy one. "Oh, Eddy! I thought you'd be happy for us! You get to leave. We can figure out something later."

"But, you, and, evil, the, but, and, wha--, huh?"

"Okay, Ozzy. Buh-bye," I smiled, doing my best (and somewhat more attractive) evil smile.

We turned to leave.

"Bella! Alice! What are you doing?!?!?" Edward screamed after us.

"Leaving."

"Did you FORGET something?"

"Oh. OH. Yeah. Aro, he's of no use to us. Let the lower being go," I said, mocking him. He raised an eyebrow, silently questioning me, and turned to leave.

"He will stay."

APOV

"WHAT?!?!?" I said, "You said he would leave if we stay. We're staying so he's leaving!!!"

"Alice, didn't you get what I said 'It's a trap!!!'" Edward quoted himself.

We chased after Aro. Bella grabbed the sleeve of his, ugly and very unfashionalble, robe.

"Listen, Aro, you made a deal. If you break your's, we can break our's," Bella said, sternly and angerily. And then, out of litterly nowhere, Jane, Alec, Demetri, and Heidi appeared.

Bella and I glanced around nervously.

"Dude, Alice, they've got the Dracula 'poof' thing going on. So cool!" Bella smiled as she whispered into my ear. I giggled.

"Yes, we are breaking our little deal, but you will be keeping yours. Or else, Edward will see his last days in this stark dungion," Aro said.

"So if we don't keep our deal you'll let him go?" I asked perkily.

"Let me rephrase. You shall keep your deal, or your precious Edward will see his last days living."

"Technicly, he's not living. He'd see his last non-living days. How can you kill a dead guy anyway?" Bella's eyebrows drew together in mock confusion.

"You get the point," Aro said in a rush, then worked to compose himself. In a lighter tone, he said, "Come. We shall show you to your chambers."

I looked back at Edward sadly before following Aro through the metal door, out of the chamber, up the stairs, through the other chamber, through another metal door, and out of the last, large metal door. I couldn't help but think now, how were we supposed to save us all. Adventualy we would get tired, feel useless, give up and give in. I frowned as we walked, but in my head I could hear Edward playing Bella's Lullaby and began to hum. I felt better as I hummed, I was given renewed hope. And then I began to think again, He will find Jasper. He'll take him and then it'll be over. I can imagine how it'd feel. I just...couldn't let that happen. Advoid all contact with Aro. And as I began to think I pulled out my purse and began to work on my make-up. Start the plan. Bella had the music and I had all the girly stuff. It would work out in the End. I know it would. Though the outcome was a little dusty, I saw us at home with the ones we loved. The ones we'll spend eternity with. Our Family. We then got to our 'chambers' or bathroom sized bedroom.

BPOV

He showed us to our room, which was the size of Charlie's bathroom. Plus, the window looked upon the other half of the castle. This made me mad!

"If we're gonna stay here, we might as well have a view. And a big room. And a three-course meal!"

"We don't eat," Alice reminded me.

"Then three different blood types!"

"Well, we are expecting Leroy Exclainkovicsh for dinner tonight," Aro told us.

"Leroy McWhatohvicsh?" I asked.

"Exclainkovicsh," Alice and I looked at him oddly. "What? I like to pronounce what I eat."

Aro turned to leave. I pulled a mixed CD out of my backpack and slid it into the tiny player on the nightstand, cranking the volume to max.

_Don't wanna be an American idiot._

_Don't want a nation under a new media_

_And can you hear the sound of hysteria?_

_The subliminal mind of America_

_Welcome to a new kind of tension_

_All across the alien nation_

_Where everything isn't meant to be OK_

_Television, Dreams of tomorrow_

_We're not the ones your meant to follow_

_For that's enough to argue_

Came blasting through the speakers. Aro saunterd off, biting his lip at the sound of music and grimacing.

Plan Annoy the Heck out Of the Volturi was a go!

"So now what?" Alice asked.

"Now we...well, I dunno. Be really annoying. Cheerleader-y."

"Okay!" She hopped up and down waving her arms over her head.

"Good. Keep that up."

About a half an hour later we were called down to Mr. McSomethingorother-avich. He was an over weight guy. Not that good looking, either.

As we sat down, Alice said, "You know, I don't like alot of fat on my meat. Do we have to eat him?"

"What?!" McWhatovich started flailing around, fish outta water style. He was either A) Having a seizure B) Scared for his life or C) Doing that new dance I saw on MTV last night. I'm leaning towards C.

"Eat me? Canibals! You're all canibals!" He ran off.

"Now look what you've done! You lost our dinner! A very plump, juicy one, too! Go to your chambers!"

"Yes, dad," I said sarcasticly.

"GOOOO!!!!!!!!"

"That was awkward," Alice said as we walked upstairs.

"Yes. Let's calm them (And us) down with some looooooud music," I said.

"Cool." She slid a Slip Knot CD into the player. Now, we're not Slip Knot fans or anything, but it was good for plan Annoy the Heck Out of the Volturi, or AHOV (Pronounced: Ay-Hahv).


	3. Hairspray Gets Vampires Gone

By JasperHaleXOXO and Sk8erGurl24

I do NOT own these charactors, though I wish I did. Some of BPOV was written by JasperHaleXOXO, cause Jude was tired and needed a break.

Please R&R

NOTE: Bella is a vamp, her and Edward are married, and there is NO Nessie

APOV

Over the next couple of days, we were horrendous. Horrendously awesome! We spent hours in the bathroom putting on make-up as we stalked through the town at night Bells and I window shopped. We were practically starving the Volturi. The last woman who came didn't get ate up. Neither did the past 8.

"ALICE! ISABELLA! Get out of the bathroom! We are getting ready for dinner!" Aro shouted from outside the old creaky door. I turned the radio up louder.

"WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU?" Bella said, "I'M WORKING ON MY HAIR. I CAN'T EAT IF MY HAIR IS STRINGY AND IN MY FACE!"

"Just hurry it up!" Aro left us to finish up. I pulled out a bright green dress for Bella and a pink one for me. The Volturi didn't like much color, and boy was THIS alot of color.

"_We're done!_" I said comming down the stairs with Bella right behind. We skipped merrily to our seat at the very long table where are dinner waited.

"Alice. Bella. This is Mary. Our _dinner guest_." I swear as Cauis said that lightning was flashing over his head.

"Mary. Hmm....I can pronounce it. But Mary doesn't look that appatizing." Bella sighed. "For once I'd like to have a decent meal."

"Meal...." Mary said, "Uhh....what's that supposed to mean?" She quietly sat waiting for an answer.

"It means YOU are the meal." I said, twittling a fork.

"AGHHHHH!" She ran out of the room like a rabbit. Bella shook her head, and I pulled out a CD.

"No meal again. You really do have terrible taste in food." Bella said, walking up stairs.

"If you need us we'll be upstairs." I followed Bella. Down stairs I could hear the Volturi as they talked.

"They are not truely one of us, Aro!" One with a deep voice said.

"They will see our side. Soon..." Another said.

"I say we just torture them. That would please me." Jane no doubt.

"NO. We need them. If we can convience them to stay and actually join we may convience the other Cullens to see our way." Aro, that was his master plan. To convience us all to see _his_ side.

"The look on Bella's face when I tortued Edward was lovely. I want to do it agian. Maybe that would convience her to join!" Jane said. As Jane talked I saw some rats in the corner...real food. Not much, but enough to keep Bella and I strong. I quietly walked over to the rats and bit each one once.

"Bella, hungry?" I asked, holding the rats by the tails.

"Uh...yum?" She said taking the rats. We had been living on rats and anything we could find.

"The Volturi are going to torture Edward to conviece us to kill someone to actually join and he thinks by doing so the rest of our family will join." I said after the rats were drained of their AB positive.

"Where'd you hear that?" Bella asked

"The drains carry noise up through here. I think we need to get the keys and sneek out while we can." I said. I picked up my purse and filled it up with just about everything that could fit, from make-up to crow bar.

"Well, let's see how this works? Pepper spray don't work, garlic powder don't work, crosses and stakes don't work. Hmm...I'm out of ideas." Bella said.

"Fire. They burn to ashes." I picked up a lighter and three bottles of hair spray. One to make a miny fire bomb and the other two for flame thrower.

"I like it." Bella said deviously. We picked up other odds and ins, such as paper clips, scissors, make-up (you never know), and knives. We ran through the tunnels and through doors and traps. Multiple times we fell through trap doors and got lost in the chambers and dungeons. I heard a noise. I sensed someone else here. I turned to see Caius. I quickly opened the lighter and used it to blow the hair spray can up. He caught fire and screamed like a banshee. We continued running trying to get as far away as possible. We didn't want to end up locked in these dungeons for eternity.

BPOV

As we ran, I shedded my high heels. Those things are hard to run in. Alice tripped over something and I caught her by the arm and continued running.

"Thanks," she said once she righted herself.

"No problem," I said.

The flaming Caius apparently managed to put himself out, because the light at the end of the tunnel (in a scary, guy on fire way, not a something good to look forward to way) died out. With my super vampy ears, I heard him approaching. We needed a plan, quick. He was getting close. I stopped running and Alice looked at me, freaked.

"What? Run, Bells! Run!"

"Shh, shh." I bent down and dipped my finger tips in the liquid on the ground then brought it to my nose. Gasoline. I looked down the cooridor. There was a trail of this flammable substance all the way down the path, heading straight for Cauis.

"Lighter. Quick!" Alice did as I instructed her, and I flipped it rappidly. It wasn't lighting. I cursed softly under my breath and flicked it one more time. It caught and lit!

I bent back down and touched the edge of the flame to the gas. It grabbed the flame and pulled it to Cauis. Once more, he caught fire and ran screaming the opposite direction. Not only had we averted one enemy, we had created a firey barior between us and the rest of the castle. Nobody would be able to follow us. Yay. Two points for us.

Alice high-fived me and we continued running. Soon, I noticed more were following. I couldn't put my finger on how they could've passed the fire, but they did and now we had to come up with another plan.

"Alice hand me the lighter and hair spray!" I said, with my hand out stretched towards her purse. She handed me the contents I asked for with out a word. I sprayed it behind and above us as we ran. And knowing there were flamable particles in the air, I flipped the lighter open and...._BOOM! _Another point for us! Three to NONE!

"Good thinking Bells. Now let's hurry. We don't have much time, Aro is bound to know what were doing now." Alice said using the crow bar to pry the large metal door open. She then took out 3 tubes of lipgloss and squirted it all over the door knob. That way they couldn't open it easily. She then took some flamable make-up thingie. (I don't use much make-up, so I wasn't quite sure what it was.) and lit the ground surrounding the door on fire. Alice then doubled over in pain and screams. A vile laughter could be heard in front of us. Jane by no doubt. I grabbed a lipstick tube and threw it at her. I couldn't think of much at the time so I shoved her into the fire, picked up Alice and ran while she regained her strength. Tunnel after tunnel I ran searching for Edward. It was dark and you could've heard a pen drop. I still ran on waiting on Alice to say something, anything. So I ran on till I heard something.

"BELLA!" Edward's weak voice echoed through the tunnels, "Bella, is that you! Over here." I ran towards his voice, so dark, I couldn't see where I was heading. I just followed his voice. I took the keys of the wall and fiddled till I found the right key.

"Hurry. Edward, Alice's is hurt. Jane did her wacky thing and she's been like this since. We need to hurry up and leave. We should take a plane or something and just head back to Forks _Imeditally!_"

"Bella. Give me Alice. Run. I'll catch up. They have a small plane of their own out back, go take the keys and get ready to leave in 10 minutes. I'll lead Aro off your trail long enough for you to get the plane started." Edward took Alice from me. And pointed towards one of the 6,000 chambers which would lead me to the plane. I could only pray Edward would get out safely. I ran through more tunnels, finding rats and rodents I tripped and dropped the keys in some water, luckily with Edward leading Aro off somewhere else I had enough time to look for it. I finnally found they key in a puddle of water. (Most likely from their leaky pipes.) I quickly found a small tunnel and crawled to the opening which lead me to their plane. I opened the hatch and took driver's seat. IF there was every a time I read a book about flying, now would've been a good time to remeber it. So I put the key in and turned it. I heard the loud engine roar and just waited for Edward to come with Alice. Just waiting... Tic Toc Tic Toc.


	4. Home Sweet Home

By JasperHaleXOXO and Sk8erGurl24

I do NOT own these charactors, though I wish I did. Some of BPOV was written by JasperHaleXOXO, cause Jude needed a writting break.

Please R&R

NOTE: Bella is a vamp, her and Edward are married, and there is NO Nessie

BPOV

Home Sweet Home. I let Edward take the driver seat and fly the plane. Cause we all vauled our non-lives. I sat by Alice's limp body. I fiddled in her purse to find a bottle labled 'O Negitive'. She must have kept it in case of emergency. I took this as an emergency, so I opened her mouth and poured the copper like substance into her mouth. Her eyes fluttered open.

"I never thought I could get knocked out, with the whole non-sleeping thing. And you know what?" Alice questioned me. I was nervouse she could've been really hurt and she seemed so happy.

"What?" I asked nervously.

"I actually dreamed. It was so perfect we were all at home sitting on the couch just watching TV and everything was perfect. Perfect..." She smiled and took in a deep gulp of air.

"Well, were home now. And everything is perfect." Edward said landing the plane. He grabbed our things and we got off the plane. Edward grabbed me and gave me the most romantic kiss, the one where we looked deeply into each others eyes and the world stood still. And for a moment I forgot that everyone was staring, that we were never going to die, that we were damned for eternity. All I knew was that we were home. With Esme and Carlisle, with Emmett and Rosalie, Alice with Jasper, and me with my mythological creature. He wasn't leaving me. Never.

APOV

I ran into Jasper's arms and hugged him for what seemed like hours. He kissed me on the fore head and told me how scared he was. He held me tight like he hadn't seen my in a thousand years. He held me close and I looked around. I saw Rosalie and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme, Bella and Edward, we had all found each other. Nothing was going to tear this family apart. Espesially the Volturi. No matter what happened we would be together, for better or for worse, forever we both shall live.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear

"More than Life itself." I said.

"More than Life itself." He agreed.


End file.
